In our last Blog, we spoke of the need for corrective Visualization if an angry couple is to survive their anger. The next tool we need to keep communication civil and caring is Affirmation. It doesn’t matter if you are simply talking, or arguing or using fighting words, there is a lot of noise that gets in the way. I like how Professor Dalton Kehoe explains this phenomenon of noise. He brings us the classic example of the uncertain suitor standing on a street corner beside his beloved, fiddling with a diamond ring in his pocket. He finally gets up the nerve and turns to her and says: “Honey will you…? At that moment a huge truck goes by with the air horn blasting. She doesn’t hear the words “marry me” and she looks up and says, “What?’ and the poor nervous guy say “nothing, nothing”. He probably said nothing, because he figured she would say no anyway. Such is the danger of negative self-talk and let me add that we are talking to our inner selves all the time. You are on the tennis court, about to serve, and Your internal critic says “you are going to double fault.” Listen to this defeating type of self-talk and by golly, you will double fault. Negative self-talk destroys relationships and even one’s dealings in the business world. Do you remember the very popular TV series years ago where the FONZ stands before a mirror at each opening scene? He is about to places his comb against his handsome pompadour..stops, looks in the mirror and says the words, his audience loved hearing..”Heyyyyyy” You have to be able to look into your mirror every day and convincingly say “Heyyyyy” Now hold it. How can I say “Heyyy” when I feel rotten and defeated? How can I say “Heyyy” when my beloved treats me with such disdain and we are about to break up?
What we learn from the Fonz is that when you stand in front of your mirror and say “Heyyy” you affirming that you believe in yourself, with all of your faults. “ I may not be as sweet as I should be. I may not be as understanding and patient as I could be. I may not be as romantic or as loving as I need to be…but does make me less of a person? “ Of course not. Hey, I still have a lot to offer those around me. Hey, I know my worth in spite of all of my faults.” Now here is the point of this blog. If I can accept me with all of my blemishes, I will also be able to say Hey when I think of you with all of your blemishes. Communication specialists, like Professor Kehoe, are correct when they speak of the noise of negative self-talk that destroys the lives of people in love. Lear how to affirm your worth, accept your own faults and do the same for others and you’ll be surprised at how your self-talk can change and along with it the love you will instill in others.
The 3rd tool is Meditation. Look for it in my next blog.
If you have a question concerning “What do I do now?” Let us hear it!