Are Same Sex Couples Better Communicators than Heterosexual Couples?

In the last post, we looked at some of the common frustrations and communication problems that plague heterosexual couples – arguments between husbands and wives. But what about same-sex couples? Are they better at communicating than heterosexual couples?

Same Sex CouplesAccording to the experts, the answer is yes. When couples are of different gender, there is a greater chance of a breakdown of communication. I hear wives tell me all the time “He doesn’t listen to me when I am talking to him, he is either reading or watching TV.” Or I hear men complain: “She never lets me finish speaking when I am trying to make a point. I give up. She can talk forever on the phone to her girlfriend, but when it comes to me she’s impatient and constantly interrupts my train of thought.” Is there an answer to this dilemma?

There is a reason why a woman can talk to another woman without coming up for air, and there is a reason why men like to hang out together and eagerly engage in lively conversation. According to psychiatrist Michael Hunter and fellow researchers at the University of Sheffield in England, there is a big difference between how a man hears another male voice compared to how he processes a female voice. A man hears another male’s voice as speech. But to a man’s brain, a woman’s voice is different.

As Discover Magazine reports, the male’s brain processes a woman’s voice in the same way it processes music, not speech. Women generally have shorter vocal folds, and their vocal delivery shows more variety in pitch and volume. This means that there is more of a melodic tone to a woman’s voice and a more poetic quality to their speech. As a result, they sound more like music to a man’s ears.

Therein lies the problem in many heterosexual relationships, what if the women’s melody is bad music? What if it is irritating, whining, complaining or commanding – tones that irritate a man’s brain? In such a case, the music is loaded with static and he turns her off.

Same-sex couples don’t face these problems as they are communicating on the same wave length. A gay couple communicates with two male voices that they recognize to one another as speech, while lesbian partners “sing” the same tones and can converse freely and openly. There is no contrast or competing for attention as there can be with heterosexual couples, and this simple difference can make communicating with their partners easier for same-sex couples.

Same-sex couples face many challenges in today’s society, but they are ahead of the game when it comes to being more successful as communicators.

So what about heterosexual couples? What is the answer to improving communication? Men, let your speech patterns be purposeful and meaningful and loving and you will discover a very attentive wife who will let you finish speaking. And women, let your music be pleasant, and joyful and loving and you will discover a very happy and fulfilled husband.

Of course, there can be no marriage without a wedding, and as a licensed wedding officiant, I can help you and your spouse-to-be enter into marriage with a Jewish or interfaith wedding ceremony. I work with couples before, during and after the “I dos,” and am happy to help with advice and help newlyweds find bliss and live happily ever after. If you have a question you’d like me to answer or are looking for more information on wedding services, call me today at 561-350-8722 or email me at


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