Can an Angry Couple’s Marriage Survive Their Anger?

Q.

We are married for 2 years and our marriage is in deep trouble. There are times when our angry outbursts at one another almost bring us to blows. My husband is like a cocked gun and I am not exactly a passive person. Things were so different when we lived together for 3 years prior to our marriage. We experienced lots of romantic and caring moments. We enjoyed so much together. Whether it was sports, or theater or love making, I thought happiness would last forever. And now after 2 years of being husband and wife every issue generates a fierce battle between us. Whether it is budget challenges or In-Law interference or love issues in the bedroom, we constantly wound one another with cruel and hostile words. We both proclaim our love but it doesn’t look like love can conquer all. My question is: Because we are so much alike in temperament can our marriage survive?

A.

Communication experts tell us that because opposites attract, the prognosis for a happy and lasting marriage is favorable when 2 people are different in temperament. The reasoning being: why would you want to live with someone who is just like you? Haven’t you had enough of you all your life? If opposites attract doesn’t it stand to reason that when 2 people are alike and have difficulty in managing their anger that they will also have difficulty managing their relationship? The answer is yes …but not always! The human being is an extraordinary mechanism, capable of beating the odds and refuting the experts.

Can an angry couple survive their angry outbursts? One would expect Psychologists to say “Provided you get counseling in Anger Management”. I say not so fast. If either husband or wife has given up and has already decided to decouple, all the counseling in the world Will be useless. One the other hand, if you want your love to survive do the following 3 things … even before looking for outside help.

#1. Visualization:

Sit in a comfortable chair, away from all distraction, close your eyes and see those 3 years of joy and happiness you shared in together before marriage. Now visualize one of those dark and frightening moments when he erupted in anger at you because of something you said or did.. This time, instead of mirroring his angry face and throwing his cruel words right back at him, see what it would look like if you smiled instead and said something funny and loving. Visualize how his look of anger would quickly change into a smile and you would both laugh at how silly it all was. When you are both the author and screenwriter you can visualize anything you want. If peace and love and kindness and laughter is what your heart desires, then see it in your mind’s eye. A visualization is a powerful tool. Learn how to use it.

My next blog will deal with #2 and # 3. Keep in touch

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