Part 2: “I Want Your Permission To Get A Mistress”

In my last Blog, I called her husband a “jerk” for thinking the world revolved around him and that sex and love are one and the same. I reminded him that if he believed that gratifying sex between 2 people is all you need for a successful marriage, then he is in for a big surprise. There is a lesson people in love need to understand if their relationship is to go the distance.  There are 2 words in the English language that look alike and yet there is a world of difference between them. One of the words is United and the other is the word Untied.  United,  meaning a permanent union.  Untied, meaning a knot that came loose. The main reason for this big difference is the position of one little letter the letter I. And so too is it in every relationship. Everything depends upon I. Now, if “I” take a second place to “we” and it is a matter of: “We shall dream, We shall plan, We shall solve life’s problems together” such a relationship will always be united, I called her husband a jerk because it was all about “I”.

Now, for some advice for the pregnant wife who is not without blame.  The next time you reject your husband’s advances, think twice before complaining, “I have a headache, My back hurts, I am not in the mood, sex is all you think about.” I suggest you do the following:

  1. Try To Understand Dad’s Changing Role: Just as there are changes taking place in you, because of your pregnancy, there are also changes taking place within him, because of your pregnancy. In his mind, your preoccupation with what is happening to your body has transformed him into an appendage to the household. Remember, you are the miracle worker.. you are the one who wields the power of creating and nourishing a new life. There is a baby living within you that you can talk to and sing to. Babies are little responders while in a mother’s womb. They recognize their mother’s voice in utero. It has a calming effect on them  According to Dr. Ana de Aguiar. A mother’s voice has been shown to help increase infant’s heart and lung stability, growth and improve sleep. Because babies’ listen to mom’s voice while in the womb, this contributes to language development. Not so with Dad. According to studies: Dad’s voice doesn’t count. He can’t be heard. Mother is the miracle worker, ever present, always working toward the day when her creation enters the world. And where does Dad fit in? In his mind, he is the one who just started the process, nothing more. When such thoughts go on in a man’s mind as he watches his wife and family get ready for the miracle of birth he will say to himself: “Am I still her knight in shining armor” or do I now take a second place to what is growing inside her?” As a result of feeling this way, having sex with an eager partner is more than just a matter of gratifying his bodily need. Just as she needs to feel attractive in spite of her bodily changes,  so too does he need to feel wanted and alive. For a man, sex fits the bill. But, mom, what if your libido has taken flight, how do you say no to sex without rejecting your “knight in shining armor?”
  2. Define Your Emotions: Tell him how you really feel. There is nothing right or wrong about how you feel. It’s reality, it’s how you feel. Share with him what nausea and fatigue and raging hormones are doing to you. Tell him of your fear of losing the baby if you have sex, even though you are told differently by your doctor. A man needs to be needed. He needs to feel that he can help you overcome your physical and emotional anguish. Invite him to accompany you to the doctor. Let him hear your obstetrician reassure you both that a  developing baby is shielded by the strong muscles of the uterus as well as by the amniotic sac and fluid. Your husband will feel a role in helping you to overcome your fear by reminding you that if sex could abort a child then there would no longer be aneed for abortion clinics. A man is a problem solver and he needs to feel he is helping you to overcome your emotional and physical anguish. In the process, he can feel that he is a partner in what you are both creating. When he feels this way, his manhood is not threatened.
  3. Do Not Reject His Sexual Advances: Because you are not in the mood, or don’t feel up to it is never a good reason for rejecting the person who loves you. You must know better than I the many things you can do, without the need for penetration. This is an answer which varies with your own personal experience with one another. There are many other ways to satisfy the man and in the process let him know that he counts and that you love him.  You are a team.  Act like one.  Does your libido, which has taken flight ever return during pregnancy? According to many gynecologists, as time progresses, there will be increased blood flow and sensitivity to a woman’s genitals and can lead to very intense and pleasurable orgasms during pregnancy. The ability to give your partner this type of exciting sensation is a big turn on for men. Do not ever reject him.

The best is yet to come!!

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